Nsmen

haha i am taking that no one ever reads my blog anymore, so in a way i am really typing this for myself. Telling myself what i have been through last 2 weeks.

Well i was called back to do my reservist for 18 days. Our unit was being evaluated by the army for 4 days and 4 nights while we did ongoing missions. I took on the role as a section commander with 6 men under me but this time round only 3 reported back. They were Jacky, Chee seng and Chai. It was hard getting to know them at first because they are like way older than me. They were like all 10-13 years older than me but nevertheless i did get to know them and they are good men. I learn about the jobs they have outside and i really enjoyed being around them. As the days go by i got to know most of the people in the platoon and they are all good men. I joked around with them they joked around with me, it was all good fun. They all communicate in hokkien and chinese. I got closer to the platoon during the 4 days and 4 nights because of the things that we have to endure together outfield. I tell you this is the most siong outfield i have ever been to my entire life in the army haha. Well we went through it anywayz... first day we left camp at night and we took the vehicle to a jungle and we started to dig, each person has to dig one hole for himself. And the place where i was digging was like all stones. Everyone else finished digging within 2 hours. But me and Jacky was still digging, we dug for like 4 hours, in the end we stopped and we went to sleep. Next morning was a bit relaxed because all we have to do is stay in the hole and defend. We cooked noodles and stuff drinked milo it was like a picnic LOL. then it rained for like the whole afternoon, everyone was super sian. Then came night where we set off for our first mission, we started walking at 10pm and stopped walking at 6am. By the time we finished the mission it was like 12pm. After the success of our first mission we did a defence again from about 1pm to like 8pm. Then after that we changed into new clothes had dinner and slept from like 10pm to 2am. At 2am we got ready for our 2nd mission and this was the toughest..... it was a 10km walk to the objective, we started off walking at 2am and reached our objective at 830am we waited and slept till 10am when we started attacking. By that time my body was like super weak i never fell so tired before in my life... every step i took was like killing me. I started to think about Jesus, how He took the cross and walked to calvary it was definitely worst than my march. I compared my experience with His. I had blisters with shoes on and it hurts like crazy. I am sure He has blisters too but without any shoes on so it will definitely hurt even more because He was walking on sand and stone. The things i had to carry was heavy and it hurts my back. He had to carry the cross and it was definitely heavier than what i had to carry. The more i compared the more i had the energy to keep on walking. Thank you Jesus for everything you have done for me. By the end of the mission i was super tired everything i did within 2 to 3 minutes i will doze off. haha. super tiring, thirsty and hungry. By the end of these 4 days 4 nights i got to know the men more and i really enjoyed going through this with them. If there happen to be a war i am willing to fight it together with beside them.

When i begin to mix around with these men i begin to realise somethings. I realise that the things that they say, they say it with conviction and they say it because they have experience it before and they know what is going on. They are firm with the decisions that they make and do not think twice about whether its wrong or right, because they know its right.

They are bold and daring, when they give instructions they are clear and firm. When instructions are given you do what it says and not an easier way out. And as a commander you ensure the standards and dont be so "anything also can"

arh there are so many things for you to learn Ben. Till the day when you can really take care of yourself don even think about having someone in your life.

I think God is really shaping me up through these experience. He put me around people who are 28 to 35 years old to show me how real men behave themselves. To show me how they carry themselves.

When i look at myself and look at the way i act and the way i do things i realise i am really quite far from being a real man. I am not saying that i have low self esteem... i am just saying i am aware of all these things. Some of the things that i do really pull down my reputation and some of the things that i say are not clear and not firm. sometimes i am not bold nor daring. sometimes i am afraid of giving instructions, afraid that people wont listen.

But its getting better now. I am changing slowly.

Nevertheless i thank God for these experiences, they make me stronger.